The Works

Where There's Smoke

2011-09-15T15:08:00.000-04:00

"Where There's Smoke" Pastel on Paper (12x12)

My little fingers have been itching for a little grit and grime that is the joy of working with pastels.

It's been months since my last piece...like since January. This was in part because both of my easels were occupied with paintings and I felt like I had begun to repeat myself. Sometimes a little break is a good thing.

In My Lair

2011-09-11T12:06:00.001-04:00

"DragonFire" Watercolor and Ink on Paper (9x6)

A sucky day full of sucky memories
So I hide in my lair...head down...hand on brush
Avoiding direct connection...to pain...my pain...your pain...our pain.
Pain of bewilderment...collective loss...grief
The school yard bully unleashed.
A decade of fear and hate has...unraveled us all.
I fucking hate this day.
©2011 Cindy K. Shaw All Rights Reserved

Requiem

2011-08-07T19:44:00.000-04:00

"Requiem" Oil on Canvas (42x72)

Here it is. This painting and I have been working together since the end of May. Really much longer, since early February when I had the dream that has become the subject. A dream I remembered, which I rarely do. A dream that had me twisted about. A dream that needed to be studied and painted so I could release it.

Nervous Energy

2011-07-24T14:11:00.003-04:00

Cabinet Door 6 - "Breathe"
Acrylic and Spray Paint on Wood (16x27)

Yesterday was an antsy pantsy kind of day. Far too much nervous energy to be trusted on the large painting that is down to the nitty gritty fine details. The angst energy evident in yesterday's post loomed from the very first waking moment and I was in a "must make art" state all day.

These are the days that I most like being in my metal workshop where I can bang away at some steel, be loud, aggressive and get absolutely sweaty stinky filthy in the process. Alas, I've been without a metal workshop since unloading my house last year so this is what I did. I had to do something. I had to.

It all started with spray paint...a medium that I still pretty much suck at, but love. This is also done in acrylics which I generally hate using, but they are fast and allowed me to push and fight without a consideration to any patience whatsoever. I have a very limited array of colors of low quality paint and really crappy brushes. Who cares? Right? I'm the artist. Not the paint. Not the brushes.

I "finished" things up today. Even still, it is a rough, thrown together painting frenzy and I fully intend to leave it that way. ©2011 Cindy K. Shaw All Rights Reserved

Art is Ugly

2011-07-23T12:18:00.002-04:00

"Angry Bitch" Mixed Media on Board (12x12)

Not all art is good. Not all art is pretty. Sometimes it just is. You can let it live or you can toss it out. Who knows what the fate of this piece will be. I surely don't.

If you're interested, click read more to see the text:

Nail Biter

2011-07-20T20:34:00.000-04:00

Nail Biter - Watercolor & Pen on Paper (5x7)

I’ve been dancing on a threadbare tightrope...Center ring of a cliffhanger circus. The abyss that lies beneath is hungry and I smell of a tasty meal.

Sleeping in a bed of quicksand is dangerous business. Be still…you sink fastest when you squirm.

I’ve chewed my nails bloody, gnawed back to the bone. The handwringing worry a slight breeze will tumble my house cards.

Homelessness looms.

Something’s gotta break soon. Maybe...something is me.

Maybe not…at least…not yet.

A final hour rescue…a job…even if only temporary…I’ll take it.

My art needs a roof, my head needs a pillow, and my lungs a full breathe of air.

Plop...Plop...Fizz...Fizz. Oh what a relief it is.

A job…even if only temporary…I’ll take it.

Sore Neck

2011-07-08T10:20:00.004-04:00

"R" Stage 13 Oil on Canvas (72x42)

The large piece has made it past the halfway point and I'm pleased with the progress. My neck is sore from the 5+ hours yesterday very close to the canvas...head tilted back as I was in bifocal range most of the time. The pains of a middle aged artist. :)

The work from here is about details, depth, and refinement. Sounds like tedium, but it is really about bringing the core expression to the forefront. There are technical rules and procedure on how to do this, but I constantly violate rules of perspective. Allowing the violation was quite the growth experience for me as an artist. It required accepting and embracing this very spontaneous action as a quality of my own style. So now I will acknowledge the rule, nod my head and continue on my own path.

As my external world is rapidly crumbling, time at my easel is the only place of sanity for me. Working on this piece is my freedom, my only time of true reality. At this pace, I expect I will be FINISHED by the end of the month. I can't wait to share the final piece. Oh the irony. ©2011 Cindy K. Shaw All Rights Reserved

Shut the Fuck Up

2011-06-30T13:05:00.003-04:00

Spiral Eye - Block Print and Watercolor on Paper (4x5)

Tricky Tricky…keeping it real without really being real. Sterile delivery when the truth just beneath is too ugly for a public meal.

We have…

An unspoken agreement to...not to...speak.

Silence is golden. So suck it up because there are no painkillers for this demise. A display of success covers the wall and sings loudly of relentless failure. I am too big for my britches and there is no turning back from here.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other fucking side. What happens in between is, well…none of your fucking business. Reality is a mess without a maid and only a broken broom held in a broken hand. We love the before and after, but the nasty middle is saved for…something else…the triumphant memoir…the movie of the week…the dirty little secret never told. You don’t really want to hear it, now do you? No one likes a scared angry bitch.

Claims of envy from a place of privilege rings sanctimonious bullshit of freedom. Life under house arrest, a thousand hamsters on a thousand wheels cannot…do not…generate peace. Please, Oh Please! Send rescue from the well meaning masses. Only a rare few will shovel the shit when the stench is neck high. Love measured by the grit under their fingernails. The rest…squirm in their squeaking chairs because too much has already been said. I am mid-scream with the volume turned way down. A motherly protection for sensitive ears.

Not all art has meaning but the only breath I breathe streams from paintbrush to canvas, pencil to paper. A blissful denial from the failure of being and not being because I cannot fucking be. Some may be good. Some absolutely sucks. All of it is all of what matters and is better left unsaid…you kill the art by saying too much...and I have already said too much.

Pretty Picture?

2011-06-16T13:54:00.000-04:00

Untitled - Oil on Wood (11x20)

“Untitled”

A name without naming. I don’t particularly like leaving a piece as “Untitled”, but I dislike arbitrary bullshit even more. I’ve been working on this piece alongside the large canvas. A redo of a redo. If I don’t like you I will paint over you. Remember?

On occasion, I paint straight from the tube, holding the tube like a brush. When it works, it is a high energy, very fast attack that rises from the surface. When it doesn’t, there’s a lot of paint sitting unanswered. The underlying shape was formed this way…before I painted over it…covering the scars left behind from previous failure. I’m pretty okay with this version. Though I am not prone to simply pretty pictures, that is what has emerged. Just a pretty picture.

Step by Step

2011-06-10T16:17:00.001-04:00

I don't want to give anything away so this is just a few very close shots of my progress on the large canvas. I've had three sessions with it thus far. I'm pleased with what is happening since the source/thought/image is something very specific. More on that later...

The CHAngE

2011-06-01T09:25:00.000-04:00

CHAngE

The hardest thing about changing the direction you’re headed is that virtually no one wants you to. Even those you don’t know want to solely define you on where you’ve been.

I have an assigned box.

You have an assigned box.

Exchanging boxes is…

Well…,

frowned upon.

I stand at the top of the hill.

It’s a midlife crisis without the fancy car.

My retreating youth lay behind and an unknown future lies ahead.

I seriously wonder if I can get there from here.

‘cause I want a new box.

©2011 Cindy K. Shaw All Rights Reserved
Disclaimer: This is not a poem. I am not a poet. When my thoughts are syncopated I fucking write them that way.

One Little Shoe

2011-05-30T14:33:00.001-04:00

One Little Shoe

I walked behind this dangling foot as I left Santa Monica Pier. The little girl was hanging in complete surrender. Exhausted from her day in the sun, arms and legs flopping about within the perfect security of her father’s embrace. ©2011 Cindy K. Shaw All Rights Reserved

Blank Slate

2011-05-25T15:27:00.000-04:00

I am often asked, “What is the inspiration, the driving force behind your work?” It’s an answer I find difficult to articulate. People want specifics. They don’t want, “That’s how I felt on Thursday.” Some can be downright pesky with their questions and don't respond well to a smart ass pretentious artist answer. The problem grows in that it’s not always the same from piece to piece. Sometimes there is something very specific. Sometimes it’s just a state of mind. Sometimes its a physical energy. It’s never the same and it can change between start and finish. It’s hard for me to explain, but I’m accepting that people viewing my work want and need to know more.

So here is one version…

72x42 Canvas

A very large canvas sits on my easel. It’s white emptiness is glaring at me and I can’t turn away. This is how it starts.

Sometimes…

Thin Man

2011-05-22T16:08:00.000-04:00

Thin Man
Oil on Canvas
6x41

I've been working on this alongside the Set of 9 from the last post. My way of using a piece of scrap canvas, which will most certainly be a pain to properly mount and frame for sale. Regardless, this is an unusually playful piece for me and he and I've had fun getting to know one another.

I'm back to unemployment status again, which is great for my easel time. Not so great for my paying rent and buying groceries effort. There are some leads on the horizon. One is a stop gap, the other an absolute perfect, really really really want it kind of job. On all accounts I have friends stepping up and doing all they can on my behalf. So despite my quickly emptying bank account, I am heart full of gratitude.

I'm changing things around a bit on the blog and contemplating some changes in the posts. As in adding some other elements....maybe. We'll see. The art will keep coming, but I want to keep the blog more active when I am working on pieces so there's not as much down time. Stay tuned.
©2011 Cindy K. Shaw All Rights Reserved

Set of 9

2011-05-13T14:15:00.004-04:00

This group of paintings is one is nine is ten. They were painting as a single painting…One.

Set of 9

Each of the individual 6x6 quads also had to be worked as a single painting…Nine.

Happy 2011 - "Third Eye"

2011-01-02T15:18:00.001-05:00

Ringing in the New Year with my paint brush in hand. I've been working on something for the last month that has turned out to be a bit of an ordeal. I had started a piece months ago and set it aside as I worked on other things. When I returned to it, disaster befell the effort. I've spent the last few weeks trying to rescue my mess. I'm happy with my progress and hope to post it by the end of this month. As the paint became too wet to continue working, I turned to the pastels late in the day yesterday. Here's the first pastel piece of 2011.

"Third Eye" Pastel on Paper (12x16)

I'm feeling a shift in what's happening with the pastels and am trying some new things. I do consider this the beginning of a transition for me, and I'm deciding if I actually like it or not.

Little Works

2010-11-15T09:53:00.001-05:00

"Single Whip" Block Print (4x5)

Sold this original block print Saturday night. "Single Whip" is a Tai Chi Chuan posture an is a recurring subject for me over the years. I think this posture was the first moment that I truly connected to the movement in Tai Chi when I first started practicing. The buyer was very excited about the piece and had a whole list of reasons she connected to the work. I enjoyed listening to her talk about it.

Fall Back

2010-11-07T10:57:00.001-05:00

This is a small piece I completed last night. I've been overdue for some pastel work and finally moved some paintings around so I could have access to the easel I use when doing pastels. My pastel work actually improved when I switched from a drawing table to standing at an easel. Evidently, I need the freedom of movement that comes when standing...even when the piece is small.

Returning to My Roots

2010-10-25T23:42:00.003-04:00

Paint Brush

One of those necessary evils of painting is taking the time to thoroughly clean my brushes from time to time. I liked the way they looked all lined up in the dish drain. Actually my afternoon was spent going through photographs and printing several of them.

I Am

2010-10-20T16:33:00.003-04:00

"I Am" Oil on Canvas (40x52)

Just finished! I've been steadily working on this piece for over a month now. I'll admit that I'm very pleased with the outcome. It's unfortunate that a lot of the small detailing is not visible in a web upload, but you can still see some of it. There are two phrases on the painting: "I Am Not What You Think" and "This is Not What You Think." There are multiple meanings for me in these. I'll let you decide what they mean for you. ©2010 Cindy K. Shaw All rights reserved

Sketchy Connection

2010-10-15T23:12:00.005-04:00

As luck would have it one of my blogger buddies, Lynn Chen, approached me a while back about doing a sketch for her. She wanted to launch a product line to help promote her The Actor's Diet food blog. Needless to say I was flattered to be asked and even more flattered that she wanted to use my drawing. I highly recommend taking a visit to Lynn's blog. It's a no nonsense approach to healthy balanced eating and an extraordinarily open and honest dialogue about Lynn's past eating disorder battles. It is refreshing to hear someone talk so openly about how events and stresses are known triggers and how she deals with them today. You'll also get a taste of what life is like for a typical actor.

She is incredibly sweet and damn funny much of the time. Did I mention you should visit her blog? While you are there stop off at her store and buy something. You'll get a little bit of my artwork in the process.

If that was not enough to confirm her awesomeness, I had a box filled with my favorite cookies from Kizito Cookies delivered to my doorstep. She remembered I had mentioned them months ago in one of my comments. Such a kind generous gesture. Big Big Big Thank you to Lynn!! You are fantastic!

Un-Standard

2010-10-04T11:42:00.001-04:00

"Unfurled" Oil on Cardboard (17x22)

I finished this a couple of weeks ago, but am just now getting around to posting it. Like many of my paintings this is a third run at this piece. Interestingly enough, the original basic design remained, which rarely happens. I've gone through some effort in the last few months to standardized pieces that require framing in an effort to defray some costs. I thought I had already trimmed this down to a standard 16x20 size before I got started. As you can see from the dimensions listed, that was not the case. Trimming it now cuts offs some key elements that keep it a balanced piece so, alas, this will require a custom frame for my un-standard size. Aaargh!

Priorities

2010-08-31T20:06:00.002-04:00

"Opportunist"
Oil on Wood (40x48)

This has been going through various stages and was actually prepped before my move way back in May. All I can say is I didn't know what direction it would go until I got there. It's a larger scale which is much much better for me and the first painting that really ties in with some of the pastel work I've done.

Post Cards

2010-08-15T09:38:00.003-04:00

"Drummer 2"

"Introspection"

"Blue Fish"

"Grasp Swallow's Tail"

"Little Lady"

Here's a few post cards that I've done over the last couple of weeks. I'm trying to decide if prints should be made or to just sell the originals. All of these are (3x5) watercolor on paper and are part of my efforts to create some lower price point items. Would you buy them? Which is your favorite...if you have one? What would you like to see?

To be honest they are a great way to pass time and keep practicing both in a general keep the juices flowing way and more specifically in playing with watercolors. It is a challenge for me to work on such a small scale and find it difficult to create the same movement that is present in my full size paintings. Watercolors also take some adaptation since you work in reverse from that with other paints. Regardless, I'm enjoying the process.

On a more personal note, I have some big decisions to make after my return from NYC. Until then, I look forward to enjoying the city and hanging with a very dear friend. ©2010 Cindy K. Shaw All rights reserved

Twilight Notes

2010-08-07T18:38:00.003-04:00

Oil on Wood (16x20)

Here's the first painting I've done in quite some time. I've been running about so much since my move that I've found it difficult to get in the right head space to paint. I also think it has taken some effort to get my focus in the new work space at my apartment. The original drawing of this was of a local DJ who does a great chill urban funk sound. I love them...love their energy. A few tweaks here and there may still occur, but for the most part, it is finished.

I started another painting after finishing this one and hope to finish it before I leave for NYC later this month, which will be my first ever visit in the summer months. I'm going to devote some of my tourist time to Brooklyn this year and was also lucky to coordinate my trip with Michelle Krusiec's "Made in Taiwan" show. VERY excited about that. I've been wanting to see this show for a few years now and this is the first time I was able to coordinate everything to make it possible. My friend is likely moving in a few months which means this may be my last free accommodations visit. Happy I could make it all work.

Some energy of late has also been spent towards production of some lower price point items. The hope there is to generate revenue and interest. I'll post some of these efforts in the next few days. I'm also trying my hand at some block printing. I find it fun, physical, challenging and look forward to improving my skill level which involves a combination of carving the image and controlling the inking/printing process. I need practice at all levels.

A Little Update

2010-07-25T06:00:00.003-04:00

I know I've posted sporadically of late and wanted to give a quick update. First and foremost my paints are out for the first time since my move. I'm well past the halfway mark on my painting and hope to be posting it by the end of this coming week. I was getting a little frustrated and then things started coming together yesterday. The little video is a slideshow collection of pastel pieces that will be up at a local cafe starting August 1st. It's not a place known for generating sales, but I appreciate the exposure and a small solo show.

I got a phone call on "Earthquake" this past Friday from someone interested. I don't know if there will be a sale just yet, but it feels good to get the inquiry. It is a favorite piece of mine and I really want it to be up somewhere on a more permanent basis.

Happy Birthday

2010-07-02T12:48:00.003-04:00

Today is my birthday and for your own entertainment I thought I would share my morning text dialogue with a good friend, Kate.
Kate: Happy fucking birthday, ok?
Me: Ok, damn it!
Kate: You better enjoy it...or else..
Me: Ooooooooohh. Scared of you.
Kate: Dude. U oughta be. I been doing my chaturangas.
Me: I see the headlines now. "Middle aged woman killed by pushups."
Kate: Lol! Me or u? What r u now, like 57 or something?
Me: 44 is half of 88 seems like the middle. "Killer found collapsed & exhausted next to the body."
Kate: LOL!!

It's good to have friends that get you. I'm making my favorite cake, a Reine de Saba, which is a dark chocolate almond cake with a chocolate butter cream icing. If you watched Julie and Julia you may remember the scene where they take their first bite of this cake. That swoon happens to me every time.

Later tonight I will meet Kate to go see "Undershorts" which is the R-Rated portion of the City Theatre's Festival of Shorts. I've been to the regular program before, but this is a first for the Undershorts segment. We hope to meet up after wards for a little dinner and drinks with her partner, who returns today from an out of town trip. Have a great day everyone. ©2010 Cindy K. Shaw All rights reserved

Pride

2010-06-21T10:53:00.001-04:00

Sunday was spent at the Fort Lauderdale Pride Parade and had a great time hanging with my gay peeps. It has been great to see this event grow and develop over the last several years from a few hundred to several thousands of people. The drag queens valiantly worked the crowds in full regalia despite a hot day of 90+ temps and full South Florida humidity. Now living very close to Wilton Manors, the gay neighborhood/entertainment area of town, I took advantage of my walking distance locale this year. While many spent the day celebrating Father's Day. I was happy for the distraction since the day's festivities kept my mind off the fact that I have no real relationship with my own father.

After a break at home from the heat and time to clean up, I met up with some friends to walk around a bit more. We finished off the day with some Tapas as a local spot where we all agreed that the fresh mozzarella was some of the best we ever had. The Italian cheesecake was pretty good too. I went from hungry to overstuffed and happily crashed when I returned home. Hope everyone else had a good weekend too! ©2010 Cindy K. Shaw All rights reserved

Oversharing

2010-06-12T09:29:00.003-04:00

I know I've not posted anything in quite some time, but I think you'll understand as you read this post. Here's a quick recap since mid-April. I lost my job. First time ever I've had the experience of a company drumming up crap to fire me. They had fired or forced to resign all but two in my region over the last several months. It was a matter of time before I was next, but it was still disconcerting as I was being set up. They gave up making things difficult since this apparently didn't drive me to quit and started attacking more directly. So I've been in the ranks of the unemployed since then.

Gallery101 where I exhibit some of my artwork moved to a new location and I assisted in the construction of the exhibit walls and various other items. Being unemployed made this possible. The new space is great and the various shows/openings have had very large turnouts. I've had some very positive responses to my work there.

I put my house up for sale thinking the market had recovered enough that I might get some bites in 3 or 4 months. It went under contract in less than 24 hours, which put me in a mad dash to find an apartment pack and move. I love my new apartment, though it was a challenge to drop from almost 1400 SF to under 700 SF. In the end I got everything I wanted...a decent kitchen (though I'm still working out my cooking rhythm in the new kitchen), room for an office/studio space and a little outdoor patio space. It's a cozy little pad that already feels like home. I think it took Moseby longer to adjust than me. He's a sensative little pup and was quite traumatized by the whole packing, move and unpacking routine.

Here's the oversharing part: It is a relief to be out of my house. I've wanted to sell and leave the property for at least 3 1/2 years. I owned the property with my partner at the time and have not been able to completely sever that relationship because of the connections with the property. Let's just say she left and provided no assistance, financial or otherwise with regard to the house. That totals to around $30,000 of cost that was her portion. (This kind of crap doesn't just happen to straight people.) I've had to come to terms with the fact that I spent six years of my life with someone who really was not a good person, who has not real personal positive ethics. There are a lot of questions for me in that situation.

After almost 8 years of paying on that mortgage, I walked with $1,300 in my pocket. Thank you real estate bubble. (My ex demanded her "half" and was not even willing to let me have enough to cover first & last on my apartment.Nice, huh?) The new buyer actually apologized for buying the house at such a low price, about $5,000 more than I paid 8 years ago. Financially buying out my ex didn't make sense and the house was more of a vessel of sadness than anything else for me. Most of the very saddest and emotionally difficult times of my life occurred in that house, including the worst depression of my adulthood. Leaving the house was quite freeing to my spirit and dare I say that a little optimism has crept back in. It was a great house and I had great neighbors, but I needed to leave.

The piece above was done in the new apartment last week. Just a quick effort to get the juices flowing again. More to come!!

My metal shop is located near Gallery101 in the FAT Village burgeoning arts district in Fort Lauderdale. We (I am sharing the space with another artist) are working out the lease details and hopefully I can be up and running doing Metal work there by the end of this month.

I'm taking the job loss opportunity to put feelers out for starting my own engineering firm, which will allow me the control and flexibility to focus on my art as much as possibile. I passed my licensing exam in April which means I don't HAVE to work under the wing of licensed engineer. It's time for me to stop complaining about things being done poorly and go out there and do it myself. I hope to capitalize on a very loyal client following. Wish me luck!

"Enemy Within"

2010-03-13T16:06:00.000-05:00

Pastel on Paper (17x23)

This is an image that has been in my head for a couple of days now. I had to complete the piece today mainly because the image is not pleasant to carry with me. I couldn't focus on other works until I released this one. I'll say that things that looked so promising turned out not to be. I'm back in a familiar place and thinking dipping my toe in the water was not such a good idea after all. ©2010 Cindy K. Shaw All rights Reserved

"Reclining Nude"

2010-03-07T17:27:00.000-05:00

Cabinet Door 5 - Reclining Nude Oil on Wood (16x27)

Finished today. This has gone through several transformations. It has always been a reclining nude,/figure but it started as more of a line drawing type of piece. The white negative space proved to be distracting and I went at it again. The next attempt fell flat and I stared at this for over two months until attacked it again last weekend. Feeling pretty good about it now. ©2010 Cindy K. Shaw All rights reserved

Guitarist & Drummer

2010-02-28T12:42:00.000-05:00

"Guitarist" - Pastel on Board (9x12)

There have been several iterations of this over the years that originated from a very rough charcoal sketch over 20 years ago. Sometimes its a guitar and inothers its a violin, but the underlying image is the same. I posted this on my Facebook fan page and a friend suggest I do a drummer.

"Drummer" Pastel on Paper (12x16)

This is the first iteration of a drummer. I'm certain there will be more & it should be fun to see how these change/evolve. My friend loved it, which was as rewarding as the process of creating the "Drummer."

I've entered a couple new juried exhibits. One is in Fort Lauderdale and only open to Florida residents. The other is based out of New York. It would be great to win, but I will be pretty happy to be selected for the exhibit portion. I'll keep you posted.

Half Moon

2010-02-21T09:09:00.000-05:00

Steel 36x60

I finally got around to doing some work on this piece. I actually completed it last summer but needed to modify some things to make it more stable. One of those things that had to wait until my shoulder was strong enough. I didn't want to take pictures because I knew it would change a bit. It needs a bit of cleanup to get ready for show since it has been outside for several months, but I wanted to share it regardless.

It normally sits on the edge of mine and my neighbor's yard. She was happy when I placed it there saying, "It's like I get to share it."

I have great neighbors!

I also completed three small pieces yesterday and will post them one by one in the coming days.

"Evolution"

2010-02-14T15:41:00.000-05:00

Oil on Canvas (24x30)

Work completed this weekend. This is called "Evolution" in part because I took a canvas and painted atop something I hated and had lots of negative emotion attached to it. Now I have something I like with positive emotion attached. Things evolving in my life these days and I'm traveling along to see what happens.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone and also a Happy New Year for the Year of the Tiger.

Cabinet Door 4 - Bright Eyes

2010-02-07T11:07:00.001-05:00

Oil on Wood (20x20)

This was finished yesterday and gave me a fresh supply of stained fingernails before I headed off to Art Explosion in Fort Lauderdale. It seemed appropriate to go with a little paint under my nails. I had three pieces, one painting, one pastel and one sculpture selected for the juried show, which was pretty exciting. I also have a mixture of work at Gallery 101 in Fort Lauderdale. This is helping me get a jump start on showing my work as much as possible. I'm grateful for all the support given to me by new and old friends alike. I hope to make more contacts this month with other galleries so that I can get things out and about more and more.

TODAY

2010-01-27T20:24:00.000-05:00

Pastel on Paper (12x12)

Today's effort is titled such because of a text I received. The last few days have brought interesting changes and possibilities for me and I'm moving forward despite my fears. More may come later, but for now, I would like to share the efforts of the day that arose as I dip my toe in the water.

I dropped of several pieces at Gallery 101 here in Fort Lauderdale, which feels great. More work will be submitted at the end of the month for a juried exhibit. I need to make a final decision about what to take since I can submit three pieces. Excited that I'm getting my work out there on the time table that I wanted for this year.

Cliff's Edge

2010-01-24T15:06:00.002-05:00

Oil on Canvas (12x30)

I finally finished this today. I had been trying to get to it all week and things just didn't work that direction. It was beckoning every time I walked past seeing it on the easel.
I've recently opened doors that have been tightly closed for some time now. Feeling the "Cliff's Edge" and not so terrified of the leap today. Thanks JD. ©2009 Cindy K. Shaw All rights reserved

Still Sketching

2010-01-20T18:36:00.001-05:00

"Maestro"

Saw this photograph in the paper and had to draw it. Also got to play with some new markers, which is something new for me. I rather like how it turned out.

This was done last Wednesday. It was a challenge presented by someone I follow on Twitter. Draw what you think. Draw your Tweets and Facebook posts. Write them all down. It was a cool exercise and I got something unlike anything I've ever done before. He was pleased when I shared the outcome.

Time at the Easel

2010-01-18T21:23:00.000-05:00

Pastel on Paper (12 x16)

Completed this on Sunday. My intent was to get up and paint. Since I got up what is very late for me (10:30 a.m.) and by the time I ate "breakfast" and got my weekly laundry going it was time for the Cowboy game. I grew up in Texas and have been a Cowboy fan since the age of 11. It has been a disappointing experience the last few years and Sunday's playoff game was no exception. I was a little peeved I sacrificed my morning easel time for an suck ass game from a Cowboy fan perspective. I started this during halftime and finished it later in the afternoon/early evening. The day wasn't a total loss.

I setup a Facebook fan page: Cindy K. Shaw, Artist which presents my work in a more organized display...at least until I get a dedicated website going. So if you are on Facebook please become a fan of my page.

I will be taking some work into Gallery 101 in Fort Lauderdale so we can get some things up by the end of the month. I'm very excited about that. I also had some work out during the Wilton Manors Art Walk last weekend and was pleased with the responses. Not a great forum for selling since most who are out and about in the area are going to dinner and clubs, but it's good exposure.

"Earthquake"

2010-01-15T18:03:00.001-05:00

Oil on Wood (36 x 48)

My Head is in Haiti

2010-01-13T14:33:00.000-05:00

18x24 Pastel on Paper

This is actually a piece I completed during the Holidays and never posted it. I worked on another painting this morning (I'm not busy with work at the moment) and my head kept returning to Haiti and the devastation suffered there from yesterday's earthquake. It is a very poor nation ill-equipped to handle such a disaster. Rescue efforts will be at the forefront, but food and water will soon become a critical issue. You can go the Red Cross to find out ways you can help. A quick method is to send a text to 90999 with Haiti as the message. They will automatically charge your cell phone account $10, which goes to the disaster relief fun. It's that simple.

Bringing in the New Year

2010-01-01T13:10:00.001-05:00

Here's the first finished piece for 2010. Called "Beware" for obvious reasons.

Today's Work

2009-12-29T22:22:00.000-05:00

I've been working on this since the weekend and finished it tonight.

More Sketches

2009-12-25T17:02:00.001-05:00

A couple more sketches from my Moleskine Notebook. Hope all those who celebrate are having a good Christmas.

Hammered

2009-12-20T19:52:00.000-05:00

Recovering

2009-12-04T12:45:00.001-05:00

After my infection drawing I thought something a little prettier was in order. I've titled this "Connection" which has no correlation to my infection that had not gone full scale when I did this after Thanksgiving. This was driven by thoughts of connecting with a dear friend. I won't say much beyond that because I prefer the individual viewer to have their own experience.

As an update, my infection is doing much better. I still have noticeable swelling and several more days for it to clear, but things took a decided turn for the better last night. With that I was able to let my company know that I could fly to Texas for a couple of days to take care of some work related to Hurricane Ike. These are jobs that present the challenge of trying to determine what happened when the structure is no longer present. I'm usually so busy locally that they can't send me to do disaster work, but since I just returned to work last week, I have a very low inventory of assignments.

I agree with geek who commented, "You seem to be having a good time in going to the doctor." It has been a weird few months of injuries and infections. Ironic that I am so meticulous about form when I lift weights and yet I blow my shoulder (which is doing very well) while lifting. I am also very diligent about washing my face and caring for my skin and yet I get a truly nasty and serious bacterial infection on my face. More little tidbits to place in my life anecdotes file. I now have a new story for when the conversation turns to things grotesque.

Infected Me

2009-12-02T20:27:00.002-05:00

I'll forewarn readers that this post involves a somewhat graphic description of life with my holiday delivered skin infection. You've been warned. First, I'll back things up a bit. After my surgery I was put on a corticosteroid to help bring down the inflammation in my shoulder so we could forcefully break up the scar tissue. Yes, that is as fun as it sounds. One of the side effects of the steroids is a suppressed immune system.

I quickly started having what appeared to be aggressive breakouts on my face. Acne is another side effect. There may have been a little acne but what I was actually getting were small infections. Friday after Thanksgiving my body evidently had more than it could stand and the infection went full scale. The side of my face swelled into a rock hard mass by Saturday evening. Sunday morning the swelling was so severe that the shape of my mouth is distorted and I could barely open my mouth to eat.

Monday morning came and it was getting worse. I was going to go to the doctor or the emergency room. It took five or six calls to get a single Dermatologist's office to actually answer their phone after 9:00 a.m.. I'll save that frustration for another post. I got in Monday morning and the doctor gave me three injections into the abscess...also as fun as it sounds. I was sent home with antibiotics, antibiotic ointment and told to apply warm compresses to facilitate drainage of the abscess. I was also warned at least three times that if my fever spiked or the abscess got worse...even a little...that I needed to go to the emergency room immediately. I started realize that my doctor was very concerned. Turns out this was a serious infection caused by one of the same bacterias that cause staph or strep (these little bugs are everywhere). ...and it's highly contagious. ...and can become a widespread infection. Ick!

Gross out warning! After lunch on Tuesday the drainage began. This was nasty gooey never ending puss. I've never had such a thing on my body. I've never seen so much puss. It is difficult to describe the volume effectively. Nasty and disgusting. This stage has settled for one area but I still have another that has yet to subside or drain. Joy! It feels like I'm about half-way through this phase. The remainder will be for my skin to recover, which is a complete disaster at this point. I also expect that I may be placed on a second course of antibiotics.

So the picture below is a bit exaggerated...but not by much. This is however exactly what it has felt like. That's my post Thanksgiving in a nutshell. I'm happy it happened on Friday because I had a great Thanksgiving with friends where the food ran from traditional American to Haitian family recipes to Chinese. It was also the first time in three months or more that my friend Xiaoyan and I were able to talk for more than 15 minutes. Were it not for Moseby (he needed to be let out ), I would have been there well past 2:00 a.m.. She and I never run out of conversation. Never have. We live more than 2 hours from one another and don't have lots of opportunities to meet up and are only able to get short calls during the week. So I'm happy the infection waited until the day after Thanksgiving.

Self Portrait Window

2009-12-01T15:13:00.000-05:00

Skill Training

2009-11-28T12:40:00.000-05:00

One thing I've started doing is some sketches specifically intended as a skills practice. I can lose touch with actual direct images when I'm so embroiled in the abstract pieces. Doing these sketches helps me to translate what I "see"...whether an actual image or object or just what is in my own mind.

Cabinet Door 3

2009-11-23T21:16:00.000-05:00

Here's the third painting utilizing my cabinet doors. I'm not sure how I feel about this one. It's not what I intended and haven't fully adapted to what became.

It Really is a Self Portrait

2009-11-20T20:52:00.001-05:00

Here's another variation on my self-portraits. I did this earlier in the week on the same day I finished the construction of the Left and Right sculpture piece. I have a friend who wants me to do a show with my various self-portraits. If I ever do such a thing, I think the show will have to be called "Narcissus".

Left & Right

2009-11-20T10:31:00.000-05:00

Here's the piece I started during my Left-Handed Series and couldn't get things to work one-handed. Two free moving rods was just beyond me at the time. With a little right handed assistance and my welder I'm satisfied with the outcome. This is about the limit of what my shoulder can manage these days since it doesn't require much use of the hammer or grinder. More is forthcoming.

I know I seem a little all over the map artistically since I don't focus on a single medium. I can only explain that I have different things that flow and some are more suited to one medium over another and I am making my peace with that's how things are.

Group of 5

2009-11-19T14:22:00.002-05:00

A little something I did this morning. I stumbled across this frame last night when I was looking for something else stored under my bed. Four of the five were done as a single piece and then rearranged. The lack of money for canvasses has turned out to be a good thing. I am rummaging for materials in my garage and elsewhere. Non-traditional materials and shapes are forcing me to think/work in different directions which is always a good thing creatively...even when it doesn't work.

I also have two small sculptures that are going through finishing stages. One of these was the failed attempt during the Left-Handed Series. I rescued it last week. Pictures coming soon. I am also working on getting/selecting a piece for a December show. After that I will spend some time prepping other pieces for a gallery in Fort Lauderdale who is interested in showing/selling my work. Very excited about these little developments!

Cabinet Door 2

2009-11-18T08:39:00.000-05:00

Graffiti Inspiration

2009-11-15T17:08:00.000-05:00

Last night I attended a fundraiser at a local gallery. It was supposed to be an Urban Art Event, which was amazingly devoid of any black people. Don't get me started. Regardless, they had a great DJ and I enjoyed being able to talk with other artists in the community. As a little fun, they had a car set up where you could do your own graffiti tag art. I ended up covering much of one side since there were few who wanted to participate. I had fun and it got the flow going such that I knew which direction to go today.

Illumination 4

2009-11-11T13:54:00.000-05:00

Cabinet Door Series - 1

2009-11-10T17:16:00.001-05:00

I have these cabinet doors from my kitchen which I converted to open shelves a year ago. I don't have the money to buy additional canvasses so I decided to put these to good use. They will be a series in their own right. It appears the self portrait, ego centric view point is continuing.

Restart

2009-11-10T11:18:00.000-05:00

So I've mentioned that I've started painting again. The first venture was not successful, but also acted as a reminder that I need to work differently with paints. The pastel work is very fast, single session. Oils require me to slow down and I have to do things in steps. Patience. Patience. This was a second step exercise. We've all seen variations of this somewhere, but I do like it even if it is nothing new. I have two paintings and a sculpture in progress right now. One of them should be up shortly.

Eastside Gossip Committee

2009-11-06T22:11:00.000-05:00

A little sketch at my favorite coffee spot, Brew. Sometimes it is laptop city, but on this day there were these woman gossiping at full volume. If the Housewives of...ever did a South Florida version, these women would be prime candidates.

Retraining

2009-11-05T11:03:00.000-05:00

This piece was done a few days ago. One thing I'm experiencing after seven weeks of left-handed work is that I need to retrain my brain, body and right-hand as my flow through connection. This was about letting it flow.

Hiding Race

2009-11-03T09:13:00.002-05:00

I recently read and article in Artworks magazine about American painter, Richard Mayhew. He is a landscape painter who arose out of the Monet tradition to pave the way for a new "Improvisational" Landscape. Though I'm not a Monet fan or that particular genre of art, I recognize the powerful place it holds in art history. It was revolutionary and evolutionary. Mayhew's work takes impressionistic landscape and travels in his own direction. He is described in the article as critical of other African-American artists who use Afrocentric imagery in their work. Since the article is not available for online viewing I'll have to quote the section myself.

"...he feels strongly that the emotionally-charged iconography of Aunt Jemina and slave images only serve to perpetuate racial stereotypes." An example noted in the article was the work of Kara Walker.

"Even today, he takes pride in the fact that an uninformed viewer of his work would not be able to discern his race."

These statements struck me at the time of my reading and I've been mulling them over for a few days. I don't know if the example of Kara Walker was provided by Richard Mayhew or by the author, Sheryl Nonnenberg. I understand the desire of an artist to have their work stand in isolation, to be independent of the artist. In part, I think that may be what Mayhew's intent was in his statement. I also understand that he rose in the art world during a time when his race would have been seen as negative. The problem comes in that when the race of the artist is not known, it is assumed to be white. So, in fact, art is not devoid of race it simply falls to the default of Euro-centrist white.

I had some sadness for Mayhew, who after many years of needing to conceal his race to get his work shown, began to embrace the ideal that an expression of race was negative. I object to the idea that artists of color should hide their race, that they are somehow reinforcing negative stereotypes by revealing race within their work. Art can be the best venue to expose stereotypes about race, to express the anger behind racist images and the harm they cause. A piece of art can still stand independent of the artist while containing visible non-white images. The viewer might make assumptions about the artist's race, but these assumptions about race, gender, nationality, and age occur anyway. The viewer experience is what brings power to art. We all respond differently and we all have different tastes. The desire to hide race within artistic context is the desire to present a single story of art. We need more than one story of art.

Illumination 3

2009-11-03T08:34:00.002-05:00

I originally planned to post two photographs, but they didn't work well together so it will come as a separate post. I like this photograph. Nothing new or original, but I like it none the less.

Illumination 2

2009-11-01T08:41:00.003-05:00

Illumination Part 1

2009-10-30T15:53:00.001-04:00

Wandering about the Met was a day filled with art and light.

Neither could be ignored.

Metropolitan Lovers

2009-10-29T20:38:00.000-04:00

While I was at the Metropolitan Museum of Art I saw this couple who kept working on photos of themselves. I was able to snap this photo without disturbing them. I'm not usually so covert, but I didn't want to disrupt their playful energy.

Central Park Band

2009-10-29T17:35:00.000-04:00

Joys of Central Park on a Sunshiny Day!

Day 49 - Final Day of Left Handed Series

2009-10-28T20:58:00.000-04:00

I think this will be the last of the work done in my left-handed series. I have enough use of my right arm to return to using it creatively. The best part of this exercise in working with my left hand, my non-dominant hand is doing regular work. Having a steady creative flow has been rewarding in of itself. I've been pleasantly surprised in that I have several pieces I actually like as well. I also don't think my left hand will be an idle bystander any longer.

I think the painting endeavor will continue. I committed to a larger than normal canvas today. A benefit of my NYC trip and all the art museum time. I realized one of my frustrations with painting is that I may not be working in large enough dimensions. There is a physicality to my art, which is why I'm so attracted to metal work. Add the extension of a paint brush to my arm and I simply need ample space for things to flow. A small epiphany for me.

Speaking of metal work...I have my next metal piece worked out. I just have to wait until my arm is strong enough to start building. A couple of months at least. I'll credit the creative flow from my left handed work for allowing the composition to come together over the last few days.

More art to come...either hand may apply.

Day 45 - Day of Exhale

2009-10-24T10:53:00.001-04:00

Day 43 - Chaos

2009-10-24T08:56:00.002-04:00

I did this a couple of days ago as a quick break between study sessions. I feel certain I will not pass this licensing exam. I will just say the $400+ of study materials I purchased were worthless. They were useful for about 10% of the problems. Kind of pissed about the time spent focusing on the wrong direction. Lot's of problems I could have worked if I had prepared for that direction. Other than additional study time, the stress of another exam, I am most annoyed at the $500 it will cost for a retake. I will also say that eight hours of exam intensity had my shoulder a throbbing mess by day's end.

...anyway this piece is called "Chaos" because that is what it felt like studying. There were 1,000 different topics in a 1,000 different directions all swimming in my head. I'm still a little lost working with the black paper, but I am okay with this. I think the Left-Handed work will continue for another week and may have a transition to Two-Handed work for a little time too. It is unfortunate with so much time off that my shoulder will not be ready for any significant metal work.

Day 41 - Dark Mood

2009-10-20T20:36:00.002-04:00

I got to officially ditch my sling today which was great news. My doctor is restricting my return to work for another month...not so great news from a financial standpoint. I can manage, but it will wipe out a lot of savings efforts of the last several months. I was working on this piece and things started to take a turn for the bad and I felt like I needed to file this under "Scary Fail" for the Left-Handed Series. Did I lose control? Is this more telling of my overall state of mind right now? Is this just one that should be crumpled and trashed? Maybe I'm just channeling the Halloween spirit that is hovering. Anyway...

I opted to start another piece and to just let the energy flow. You may agree that the stress of my week is rearing its ugly head. It's not a happy piece. My licensing exam is at the end of the week and so comes the moment of truth. Am I ready or am I in serious trouble? I won't know the answer to that question until Friday. Aarrgh!

Day 39

2009-10-18T19:26:00.001-04:00

My Left-Arm production has slowed as I've grown more intent on studying for my licensing exam at the end of this week. I'll be glad to have that behind me since it has been a looming dark cloud for much of the year. I don't really know what to expect and really hope I pass it on the first go round. My job may be in jeopardy if I don't pass. No Pressure!

I will come out of my sling this Tuesday, but don't know if that marks the official end of the Left-Handed Series. I still will not be able to lift my right arm very high, which limits work on my easel. I've been surprised that I've come away with some pieces I actually like. I also have been happy with the overall experience of doing regular work for the first time in a very long time.

Chinatown - NYC

2009-10-17T11:31:00.003-04:00

I spent a lot of time in Museums while I was in New York City... Metropolitan Museum of Art...Museum of Modern Art and the Museum of Chinese in America. Saturday was the only day that I spent exploring an area. I could not have picked a better day. The sun was out (which meant I carried my jacket most of the day) and the streets were full of people...local and tourists.

I arrived in the city at around lunchtime each day since my mornings were spent with JuWanda and the kids. I came armed with my Jennifer 8. Lee list of Cheap Chinatown Meals in hand and set off for the Lunch Box Buffet. I made a point to get things I've never eaten or couldn't recognize as something familiar . I'll admit that the boiled fish head was my favorite thing. For some stupid reason I didn't get a picture inside or outside. For $4.25 you get rice and four dishes and grab a seat where you can find it, which will likely mean sharing a table with a stranger. I think that just adds to the charm. Lucky for me I was able to use my right hand to eat, which eliminated the struggle of using chopsticks with my left hand. I can do it, but it is a slow process.

Now happily stuffed, I made my way to MoCA, which recently opened in their new location. This was a beautiful space and a wonderful interactive experience. There were a lot of intimate spaces where you felt in close contact with the stories that lead you through the museum. I highly recommend this destination!

From MoCA it was time to have a little snack and made my way to the Chinatown Ice Cream Factory. What I really wanted to do there was try everyone of their interesting flavors, like black sesame and lychee. I went for the ginger ice cream thinking I would return later in the day.

I walked around a bit and enjoyed the afternoon sun as it danced around on the face of the buildings. This was another frustrating photography experience where I didn't get the images I wanted. I did a little shopping but not much. Though my arm in a sling acted much like a force field where people kindly gave me a wide berth, it also kept me from going in some of the small shops too. I also felt a spending frenzy creeping up and was trying to control the urges by staying out of the dozens of places where my Amex card would fly out of my wallet.

I relaxed for a bit at a nearby park and watched kids and adults alike enjoy the beautiful day. My favorite scene was watching a grandfather playing with his grand daughter who was only about 18 months old. The sheer delight in his face was one of the best parts of the day.

More food...I made my way to Prosperity Dumplings where you can get 5 dumplings for a $1 and I LOVE fried pork dumplings. Love them! I made my way back to the park and ate until I couldn't stand it. More ice cream was out of the question at this point. The sun was going down and I walked around a bit more and came across Aji Ichiban, a sweets and snack store. They sell a lot of the things you find in the regular Chinatown markets, but the bonus here is that you can sample everything. What little space I had for more food was filled here with sampling half the store. Yes, they are community dishes which can be a bit scary, but I figure that's why I have an immune system. My favorite was the shrimp covered peanuts and the Thai fish wafer, which made for great snacks on my flight home.

A great day in Chinatown.

Accordian Man

2009-10-15T13:48:00.000-04:00

As I let go of the idea of doing any photography from a left-handed perspective, I attempted to do what would be my more typical photographic work. I recognize that I'm out of practice, which includes the courage to be audacious, but I grew frustrated with my high end point and shoot. Even with the "controls" that I have on my camera, I got irritated as I waited for my camera to do what I wanted it to do. I know how to trick a point and shoot to create depth of field, but this also became a battle with the auto focus and slow response time.

Most of my photography is people oriented and done at a conversation distance. That's what I mean about being audacious. You have to be willing to approach someone and ask to take their picture. You have to be willing to enter a conversation with a complete stranger in order to get a relaxed photograph. This is not a bad photograph, but it could be so much better. I had to stand at a distance and zoom in to get a more shallow depth of field, which made him more like a display in a zoo. I don't like that when I'm going for a more intimate photo. I would rather have a more intimate interaction with him.

...anyway, I recognize it's time for me to suck it up and buy a real DSLR if I intend to truly revive my photography.

Day 32 Thumbnails

2009-10-13T18:40:00.000-04:00

A few little thumbnail sketches I did on Sunday after my time at the Met. Another stop that I had not been able to do in previous trips. I got to see the things that I most wanted, but definitely just scratched the surface of this amazing museum. I generally like this, but do find such a small format (3x5) a little challenging and limiting. I guess I like to flail my arms a bit with the pastel work.

Day 30 - MoMA

2009-10-13T18:10:00.001-04:00

Friday was my first full day in New York City. I got up and ate breakfast with JuWanda and adjusted to the chaos of two toddlers first thing in the morning. The kids were great fun and I miss their noise today.

I took the subway into the city to go to the Museum of Modern Art. It is always exciting for me to actually see so much of the art work I "know", and I've not bee able to make this stop on previous NYC trips. It starts to be a bit like a drug for me. seeing all this work that has clearly shaped my own art. I don't really emulate any particular artist, but I can see the roots of how I can be doing the work that I do because of what came before me.

I attempted to utilize my camera as part of my Left-Handed Series, and found it completely frustrating. I cannot let go in the way that I am able to with the pastels. My photography is not abstract...never has been. I couldn't get a single in focus shot all day and abandoned the idea by mid-day on Saturday.

These are the only things I have and I am still debating what my thoughts are about them. (The rest of the Left-Handed Photography just sucks.) This lovely pregnant woman was wearing a fitted grid dress which was quite interesting with her shape. I tried to let go of the focus/steady issue and see what happened. Though these may hold some interest, I think the in focus view of her was much better, much more interesting. The top image might be better rotated 90 degrees.

I did take some pictures with my Holga camera that day and will see what has happened once the film is developed. I also may post some photos from my trip, but they will not be part of the Left-Handed Series.

Day 27 - Activity Done

2009-10-06T20:04:00.001-04:00

This is one of those days that I wanted to do something with my left-handed series, but didn't have any real thought in mind. Sometimes this works for me, sometimes it doesn't. I don't think it worked today...at least not for me. I temper my own criticism since I often have people who respond strongly to pieces I don't really like.

I'm getting ready for a little getaway to New York and look forward to a lot of art museum time in addition to hanging with an old friend. JuWanda and I have known each other since college. We played basketball together and have managed to stay in contact through the years. She's the kind of friend that offered to come stay with me after my surgery if I needed help. No doubt, Alton, her husband didn't hear that since it would mean he was alone with two little ones under the age of 3. Regardless she is family. Robert Frost defined home as the place that when you go there they have to take you in. JuWanda and I are home to one another.

Day 24 - Self Portrait

2009-10-03T21:30:00.001-04:00

I was "working" on something off and on today...more of an exercise activity. I went in to do some more work on it and this came out instead. Going with the flow.

Sending thoughts to Sumatra that was hit with landslides to add to the devastation from the earthquakes. In so many ways I want to be there, to help, to do all I can. I am trying to find a way to make that kind of "work" life possible for me. I feel like I am using my talents and intelligence to no good end just doing the day to day and collecting my paycheck. There has to be more purpose for me than this. I'm investigating work with the Red Cross, both American and International as a possibility among other things.

Day 22 and Day 23

2009-10-02T21:43:00.004-04:00

There was no Day 21...ashame I didn't mark my three week point with some work, but it just wasn't in me. This one is Day 22. I think it is overworked, but like it more now than when I first finished it. It may be a little of the stress from my icky news earlier in the week trying to find its way out. I also think it may be related to the gray paper. That underlying tone is affecting me in some way.
This is Day 23...today. It is an interesting exercise working with different shaped paper. This is a relatively small square pad I bought today, which was a deliberate attempt to switch things up for me. Things are going very well with my shoulder recovery. I continue to be way ahead of schedule with my range of motion and the daily exercises are going well. Some of the intense fatigue I was experiencing last week seems to have lifted.

Regardless of all that is going on in my egocentric shoulder focused life, the people in the Philippines, Vietnam and Samoa have been slammed by storms this past week. The death toll in Indonesia is rising from the earthquake there. A lot of suffering in the world. So many loved ones lost. So many others having to start from nothing. My problems are small...very small.

Day 20 - Some Days Just Suck

2009-09-29T21:32:00.004-04:00

It's been a challenging day in part because I spent the day dealing various crap instead of what I needed to be doing. The remainder was because I was informed that my understanding of how my short-term disability and my personal leave time worked was incorrect. I also learned that the words simultaneously and concurrent actually mean either/or. Had I know that underlying definition used only by our HR manager, I would have been prepared that my leave mandated by my company would be costing me as much as $2,000 in take home salary. Hopefully it will be less...depends on when my doctor releases me to a level my company will accept.

So I had my freak out/break down session this afternoon. I think that is the artist part of my brain that jumps into gear first. My friend John lets me blither on in this state because he knows it just needs to come out. This is always followed by the problem solving engineer side, which is where I am entering now. The second phase was jump started by my friend Xiaoyan who has the ability to say the right thing in a way I can openly receive it. She somehow has the talent of delivering the moment when I can exhale. Amazing!

So today's Left-Handed effort was a response to my sucky day.

Day 19 - Untitled

2009-09-28T21:41:00.004-04:00

There was no day 18 art work. I was in a funk after driving to the gym...someone came into my lane...I made a reflexive jerk to honk my horn...with my right arm...major throbbing...sore arm all day...still sore today. Everything's okay, but the inflammation is pretty high.

So here's day 19, which I like, which I wish I had done on better paper. This is a scrap pad that I think I need to throw away...or save for Muyang's visits and her crayola doodles. That sounds better.

My thoughts go out to the Philippines where they are dealing with the aftermath of severe flooding. If you can, please send your donation. Here's a link to get you started: http://www.ondoyrelief.org/

Day 17

2009-09-26T16:02:00.007-04:00

Making an omelet might not qualify as art, but this was done with only my left hand...a la Julia Child's method. I thought this spinach and feta omelet turned out pretty fabulous.

As for the self-portrait...

I don't really like it but it was part of my left-handed activity today.

Day 16 - A little sketch

2009-09-25T16:42:00.003-04:00

No real comment here...other than maybe I've been watching a little to much Project Runway today.

Day 14 & 15

2009-09-25T09:08:00.003-04:00

You know that metal piece I was "working" on? Let's just say that for the moment it is an abject failure.

I was experimenting with attaching multiple long rod pieces together by bending them about one another. Doing this one handed proved challenging at best. The attempts to control the piece seemed to take control of watching the form develop. The end result was a mess. I will decide today if I can salvage it.

Maybe I need to remind myself that this Left-Handed Series is an exercise. Right?

Day 13 - Dominant Theme

2009-09-22T20:01:00.004-04:00

My shoulder is the dominant theme in my daily life. This series for one keeps things in focus, but much of my day revolves around doing my exercises, TENS treatment with icing, working on my scars, and trying not to do anything stupid.

I think, however, this might be my favorite thus far in the Left-Handed Series. I've been composing another metal piece (something larger than the small table top piece completed on Day 9) the last few days and expect that to get started in the next few days.

Day 12 - The Ugly Truth

2009-09-22T19:53:00.004-04:00

So here's a view of three of the four new scars I have. The fourth if far enough behind my back that you can't see it with the others. One of my daily therapies now involves massaging the incision sites in order to minimize scars.

After nine orthopedic surgeries, I'm not overly worried about scarring. Though I did stop wearing skirts to job interviews after one prospective employer looked at my knees and blurted, "What the hell did you do to your knees?"

We'll file this under documentary as well. I was very tired yesterday and this was all I could muster.

Day 11 - True Family

2009-09-20T20:57:00.003-04:00

I've given props to my friends that carted me about after my surgery. One person not included in that was my neighbor, Linda. I use "neighbor" but the truth is that Linda is family and she deserves a special prop dedicated to just her.

I spend most holidays with her and her clan...often enough that they ask if I'm coming. Linda gives Moseby treats in the morning...he goes nuts when he sees her. He bounds up and down and bark/cries until she comes outside. Linda is the true Big Sis I never had. I know that Linda will be there whenever I need. She'll take me in a feed me and let me cry on her shoulder. She loves me for who I am and I am beyond blessed to have her next door.

Linda filled in the gaps after my surgery and was just there for me in a dozen little ways. Thank you Linda for being a great friend and my Big Sis. Love you!

Day 10 - Knowing When to Stop

2009-09-20T20:11:00.002-04:00

I'm a day behind on my posting and will try to catch up tonight or tomorrow. This piece ended up being a little work because I didn't stop when I should...then it was out of balance...then I worked to salvage what started out to be a nice piece. Still, I'm okay with where we landed.

Day 9 - A Little Metal Work

2009-09-19T14:07:00.008-04:00

I realized the other day that I probably could do some small rod bending with my left hand. Not too bad. I won't be doing any welding work for quite some time but this may provide an outlet for some metal sculpting in the interim.

Remember that this is an exercise while I am restricted to using my left hand only for the majority of daily activities. It remains to be seen if there is any Art value beyond the exercise.

Day 8 - A Little Physical Therapy

2009-09-17T20:27:00.002-04:00

Three times a week I go for physical therapy where Mateo very gently moves my arm in order to regain my range of motion. I'm not allowed to move my arm myself...passive movement only. Mateo is a sweet gentle spirit and a very good match up for me.

Good thing I'm a Lesbian or I would be seriously crushing on his gorgeous self.

...anyway the process is not much fun, but we hit goal milestone for today when he was able to lift my arm to 90 degrees from my side.

He knows to check in with me about the pain because I will take whatever. I don't emote pain. I don't grimace or moan. All he gets from me is, "Yep, I feel that or it's sharp right there." In a weird way I look forward to these sessions. Each one brings progress and Mateo is the only real witness to the steps along the way.

Day 7-Dragging

2009-09-16T20:27:00.005-04:00

Today I just feel tired...which may be an improvement. There is very little pain now so I can attune to the fact that my body is dragging. Some of that is the healing process and the other is the fact that I don't have the most restful sleep just yet. Regardless, I'm pleased with how things are progressing.

Day 6 - Wounded Me

2009-09-15T20:05:00.006-04:00

I had to take the bandage off today 'cause the tape was driving me batty. More scars to add to my array. I'm considering having the number of the surgery tattooed next to each related scar.

I'm relieved that my "Running Bear" Tattoo came through unscathed.

We'll have to file this under 'documentary' for the Left-Handed Series. It was what was in my head & felt I should roll with it.

Left-Handed Series Day 5

2009-09-14T20:30:00.005-04:00

Props to my friends who showed up without my asking. They took me to the hospital, brought me home, kept my ice machine running, brought me food, carted me about and called every step of the way.

You don't have to call true friends.
True friends just show up when you need them.

I feel the love.
Thanks MJ, Marty, Julia, Shawn and Xiaoyan!

Left-Handed Series Day 4

2009-09-13T13:13:00.006-04:00

Had a rough night. My shoulder is very reactive to the weather changes and a full night of thunderstorms left me a throbbing mess. I'm not on any heavy pain killers because they knock me on my ass but don't cut much of the pain. Not a fair trade.

...I recognize that the artwork has been pretty ego-centric with self-portrait variations. I can only say that my every consciousness is revolving around trying to recover from my surgery & re-adapt my life for the time being.

I have a four month time table to where I will be released for 'full' functioning. The first week is one of the most challenging phases of the recovery. Overall I'm doing well and am happy with how this series is progressing.

Left-Handed Series Day 3

2009-09-12T18:42:00.005-04:00

I don't know if I will post everyday, but do intend to move forward in my effort to see what will happen creatively working with my left hand. I am looking forward to a little play with my new Holga camera. Still working on freeing my right handed self to allow my left hand to do as it pleases. I have at least six weeks trapped in the sling...letting the possibility unfold.

Left Handed Series Day 2

2009-09-11T13:53:00.004-04:00

There is No Day 1 work since I spent much of yesterday in bed trying not to throw up...a 'normal' post op experience for me.

I'm doing well. The surgery went very well. Everything gets better from here.

Happy Accidents

2009-09-08T20:35:00.003-04:00

I make comment here and there regarding my Buddhist practice/religion. Well...It all started here. I stumbled across an acquaintance in the mall one day, and he was reading this book. Being a reader myself I asked about the book and he explained that the author described the principles of Taoism from the perspective of Winnie the Pooh. You see, Pooh just is. Sometime over the the next year I picked up a copy for myself. I was intrigued. Then I bought my first copy of The Tao Te Ching...which led to more Taoist writings...which led to books on Buddhism...which led to books on Zen/Chan Buddhism...which led to AHA!

I wish I could say there was a particular day that I woke and said, "I am a Buddhist." That would make answering the question of "How long have you been a Buddhist?" much easier. The best I can do these days is 16 or 17 years. I know many would describe this as a conversion. For me, however, the experience was very different. It was finding something that defined my beliefs not changed them. I was raised a Christian and was a studious little Bible scholar in my own right, but my true spiritual nature didn't awaken until I became a Buddhist. For the first time, who I was matched what I believed.

I approach the world, my daily existence...good and bad...as a Buddhist. All things are best when I meditate consistently and after many years of practice I can say I think I "get" it now. I understood before, but there's a different level now. A simple example is that I used to have a lot of rules when I meditated about my breathing, what was good and bad focus, what was successful or not, etc. Now...I just sit. I understand why Shunryu Suzuki kept yelling in his book to, "Zazen!" He was telling me to just sit. Approaching life without construct, without boundaries, being present to how life comes is part of what being a Buddhist is for me.

There it is. Winnie the Pooh made me a Buddhist.

RotoHero

2009-09-05T15:56:00.005-04:00

I've wanted to...needed to post for a few days now, but have been unable to organize anything beyond a rant here and there... #uknowhowiknowuregay trending topic on Twitter for one. Let me see...the beauty queen hatin' and suing for her right to hate could have been another. There is the whole health care debate which has come to forefront for me as I do all the miscellaneous preparations for my surgery. On a more positive note there's the little back story on my Buddhist self. I've not been able to get beyond the first couple of sentences before I drift another direction.

So instead you get this...I had a few lines drifting in my head about my right shoulder pain and the inner experience of it. Before I knew it this is what evolved. Not really like anything I've ever done before, but I can say I just let it happened and rolled with the process. I don't know if I like it from an art perspective, but I can say that it "feels" right.

Do It with Flare

2009-08-30T13:15:00.002-04:00

Do the Right Thing?

2009-08-28T22:30:00.005-04:00

Yesterday I had a co-worker call because he needed help with something. I use co-worker loosely since we are all scattered around the country and only see one another once a year.

...anyway

He starts talking about the property he inspected and starts his description with, "It's in a nice neighborhood, a mostly white neighborhood. I think."

I was a stunned with this superlative irrelevant descriptor. My internal voice said, "What the f... does that have to do with anything?" "Why would you think that is okay to say to me?" My external voice, the one that really counts said nothing. I made that quick decision that this is not the time and the place.

Afterwords, I was left with, when exactly is the time and the place? I don't want to turn my work world into a socio-political platform, but by being silent I believe I did just that. My silence let him believe that I was in his ignorant racist camp. I felt shame. I still feel shame. I feel like I'm big blow hard bag of righteous indignation, but no true action.

I made a quick and probably cowardly split second decision not to say anything. Like anyone, I have some regrets here and there in my life, but the ones that cause me the continual stabs of pain are moments like these when I failed to do the right thing.

"Wisp"

2009-08-25T22:03:00.002-04:00

This is a favorite of mine. I did a good job stopping when it was done.